I have an affair with a married man

For one and a half years I had an affair with a married man. His marriage was not going so well and was about to fail. I was also married myself, am mother of 3 young kids. My husband came across messages from/to my lover. He wants to give our marriage another chance, so that's what I tried.

But after a couple of weeks, the pull was too strong and I missed my lover. My marriage was not bad, but there was also no passion anymore, it just didn't work anymore. I contacted my lover again and that meant of course the end of my marriage...

he was still married, they are trying, trying relationship therapy and stuff, but I was always in between, so that it was impossible for him to get back on track with his wife. So they were also headed for divorce. I was convinced that after 1,5 years of waiting, I would finally have my happy ending. That man is the man of my dreams. We work together, he has a higher position and I look up to him. I don't want another man, I want him.

But, their divorce was cancelled and he decided to stay with his family! He wanted to try again with his wife and try to keep the family together. She knows about me and decided to deal with it and forgive him.

But I cannot let him go! He asked me to stop sending him messages, but it was stronger then me. I kept sending him sweet messages and eventually he couldn't fight it anymore and started sending back. After their family holiday, what was supposed to be their reconciliation time, I was able to seduce him to come and see me again.

And yes, I am sure he loves me, because he came to see me and we had wonderful sex like before. After that I send him emails everyday to show him how much it meant to me. But that mail was seen by his wife. She was furious and threatened to report me as a stalker to our boss!

Now my lover stopped all communication with me, besides some work related messages and I feel desperate. I hope that his wife after his last cheat, will dump him after all! I compare him with every man, I only want him and I only want to kiss him!

I'd rather spend two hours alone with him then have two weeks completely free to do what I want.... I understand him much better then his wife, we are a bit similar.... Tips anybody how to win my soulmate back?