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My girlfriend cheated on me many times

My girlfriend (almost 6 years) recently told me that she cheated on me many times. It hurts immensely, but still we/I want to continue.

But about the cheating we didn't really talk so much, only briefly but nothing clear... (she is also admitted in a psychiatric institution because she things so bad about herself) despite that we talk about many things and say we want to work on our relationship, it seems like she escaping the hard part... saving the relation through sharing.

I don't find words so easy and because of that I am often judged for what I say, at least that's how it feels. So I am ready to fight for this relationship, and I suggested relationship therapy, to me feels like that's being postponed. Saying that she wants to work on the relation, but not doing anything from her side.

Today I made the step to contact a relationship therapist. I feel extremely desperate and don't know what to do now.... I definitely want to, but I don't know how anymore. I cannot stop thoughts and feelings.

What to do?


JvH

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Dear jvh
I can imagine tat it is very painful that your girlfriend cheated on you, even more than once.

When I read your story, it looks like there are several problems.

1) There are problems in your relationship. It looks like you do not talk enough with each other. And somebody cheated.

2) Your girlfriend has a problem. She as admitted in a psychiatric institution.

3) You have a problem. You shared that it is difficult for you to express. And you don't know what to do now.

About the last one you said you took the step to contact a relationship therapist. I think this is a very good idea.

In this crisis-situation it is important to have a place where you feel safe, where you can openly investigate what you want and what steps to take.

Together with your therapist you can look into different questions like:

-How can I learn to express?
-How can I learn to communicate with somebody (like your girlfriend)

-How can I deal with the pain of being cheated on?

-Is this relationship supporting for me (us)?
-Would I like to continue with this relationship and if so, in what way? And if not, how to continue?

And probably many more questions you would like to look into.

I wish you all the best in this process.


E.

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