My story

After knowing my girlfriend for 30 years and after that 16 years as close friends, suddenly, because of very coincidental happenings, this friendship was ended in one phonecall to me.... (46 years...)

The 30 years before where years that my friend, Jolien*, now ex-partner, I hate that word, was working in a drugstore together with my wife Mart, who died 16 years ago. In that time I have seen her young kids grow up and we played tennis together, also Joliens* husband was there.
It was a wonderful time, to visit each other, playing tennis together for the whole day.
At a certain point my wife got ill, lymphoma, cancer..... very shocking news from the doctor for my wife and me, 50 years old, was never ill before. Working in the drugstore she didn't like to take any medication herself, even when I had a headache and wanted to take aspirin she looked like do you really need to do that....

Mart has had a very heavy process, was three times declared free of cancer after many chemo therapies, later a transplantation with one month in quarantine in a room with overpressure, so that bacteria's do not get a chance in the body of the patient that do not have any resistance anymore. I had to wear mouth protection when I visited her and special clothing and I was barely allowed to touch her and that was how my love was laying there, I could only be there for her.
And everything was for nothing in the end, despite all the efforts from the hospital, everybody was very caring and supportive, they did all they could do.

In the last weeks of Marts life, Jolien*, later my girlfriend, was very supportive in many different ways, things that a man is not so good at....

Months after the death of my wife, Jolien* asked if I would like to come over for dinner, in the mean time she was also alone and eating together would be nice.
I was very happy to do that and later I stayed a little longer and we were watching television together.
After that I went back to my own apartment, we both had our own apartment. Jolien* became a beautician after she retired and she had a practice at home and made women beautiful again and I did noy own things during the day, hobbies, photography in the zoo.

We got a lot of fun out of life together, first not so easy, but later with many nice trips, not too far, by car on short holidays etc....

Suddenly the strangest story of my life happens, Jolien is 77 and I am 73 years old.

Joliens* daughter Lia* and her husband Geno* had had a big fight again, Lia* is ten years older then her husband and her domination is sometimes getting out of hand.... Lia* mother got involved and got very upset. A whatsapp message from me to daughter Lia* saying "please keep your mother out" had a disastrous effect... Lia* wrote back "this message of yours I will discuss with my mother...."
And then something in me snapped, in stead of leaving the mother out of it, she ad a heart attack 6 months earlier, she didnt give a d*mn about my wish to keep her out. So I wrote back "don't do that, I can come to your place to discuss it"... And then it all went wrong because of this, with all due respect, hysterical daughter who was sharing my messages with her brother while they were meant only for her. And then her mother got to know everything. And afterwards it turned out that there was a whole 'family meeting' at the mothers home where I (!) was discussed and sentenced!

A small in between story, on saurday the 8th of april, Jolien* and me went out on a trip to her sister that has a husband that is ill, burn a candle in church, bring light.... The sunday after that, the most beautiful and warm day of april, we went to the beach, were lazy, had a drink. The monday after a whatsapp message "still alive?" as we did every morning. Then had dinner together as always, watching television, received a message as always about the menu, was always very exciting and very well prepared for my taste, I have to eat saltless....

Then the tuesday after, I will never forget that day, time stood still and my life ended. Jolien* called me to announce, Harrie, I end our friendship, I choose for the children, they are over 50 and there was never a problem with me before. We always went to visit them with birthdays and holidays! Together!
I was completely confused and devastated, tried to connect them later but I did not manage. Be aware, before this sudden phonecall I end our friendship, there was nothing strange, nothing at all that I noticed but I was murdered and my head is chopped off.

on top of it, as if it wasn't enough, I got a letter with a non-compliance. Was just taken from the internet, not a real one from the judge. But it was used against me, if I were to come anywhere close, they would call the police. And that after knowing me for so many years! As if I am some kind of criminal, I am nothing of that all, i would harm a fly, ever!

Jolien* who doesn't answer me at all anymore but did read my whatsapp message that my life is no use anymore like this, I also don't any family anymore, my 3 sisters passed away I am completely alone. She did call the doctor who called me to come by because of the possibility that i would hurt myself. Later that night police at the door, 2 even, in full uniform, wanted to talk to me...

Wrote a letter to the daughter about the strange letter she wrote and possible misinterpreting my messages and apologizing, no response at all. Stopped by Joliens* house to try to see if I could get some contact but the doow was not answered and I walked away like an abandoned dog.
Wrote a letter to Joliens son that we are both old people that can still mean a lot to each other in life, support each other like we always have done, you and your sister that live far from the city, and are often traveling, I can support your mother when needed., especially after her heart attack.
Noting..... no response at all...

Saturday again police at the door.... in a building for elderly people, many people will have twisted their necks because of this, again police, full uniform, rubber stopper, weapon, hand coughs with them.... I was a bit disturbed, what did I do wrong this time? I never had more contact with the police then for driving too fast.

Turns out that Jolien had called the police that I, Harrie, was stalking her.... my jaw dropped, three days after the short phonecall that ended my life, the police and Jolien* address my attempts for some contact, one time ringing her doorbell and some whatsapp messages, as stalking....

Later the policemen admitted that it was kind of rough and that it was definitely NOT stalking.

Everything that we were still planning to do together was cancelled, suddenly all the places we used to go I do not dare to go anymore.... april 30th is her birthday....

My doctor told me as a kind of consolation, that people that had a heart attack are often very easily influenced so maybe that's the reason for the sad happenings you had to go through. And yes everybody, I cannot imagine at all that Jolien* my previously so much involved and lovable girlfriend is happy with this situation....

She chose for this... with a big "this is never going to be alright again" still ringing in my ears everyday, this was her saying goodbye.

My advice, never come between parent and child, because it can be used against you just like that. No self pity, just lost completely the meaning of life, the shine of previous joy is gone, the past with many beautiful memories, full of pain, it's over.

Start again for the third time? No, I am completely finished and broken.

My dear wife told me in the most difficult time of her life "always look into the light, then the shadow will be behind you"

So bravely said by that sweet Mart, disappeared behind the horizon already so long ago, I long to be with you there, I am done here. Everything has become meaningless....

Written down in truth.
29/04-2017

P.s. * are fictional names