Adultary, affair, cheating, infidelity - peer support forum

Last year my husband told me he had fallen in love with a colleague. That scared the shit out of me and I didn't understand it at all. We never had fight, did we? My whole life was about to fall apart, was this the man that I loved?

I thought I knew him, my husband would never do such a thing and then even if... I would immediately sense it when there was something wrong, right? It made me feel so insecure that I decided to seek help.

After a couple of individual sessions, we went to relationship therapy together. My husband wanted to know how this could have happened. It was a lot of effort (mainly talking a lot, fighting, blaming, making up and listening to each other to start to understand each other) but we did start the new year together.

He wants to stay with me and I notice that my feeling of trust is slowly growing again. Especially after a good conversation in which I feel that he really listens to me and my pain and understands my feelings of loneliness.

It also hurts him and this I also see and feel. It's strange, but that is what makes the distance between us fade away, what makes me feel closer to him again. It will be fine between us. Without support we would not have made it.

My sisters partner cheated on her for 6 months. While she was pregnant of their first baby. For her, for him, for their surrounding a very sad and angry and difficult time.

It strikes me how hard people judge when it is about cheating. Everybody has an opinion about it.

Sometimes I don't even dare to express that I am actually not that mad, but that I hope that they come out stronger. Nobody seems to share that opinion. It's unpopular.

Still my sister seems to want to stay with her partner. It hurts me to see that she hardly gets any support from her friends. They think she's crazy. I also understand that. I also do not agree on cheating, but... well, it's complex.

Happy that I can share about this anonymously. Gives some space already!

I found out that my boyfriend dated another woman for a year. No sex, but app everyday, send pictures.

To him it doesn't mean so much, just some tension and distraction. But for me it's really hard. To me it is not normal that you have contact with another woman everyday.

Two months ago I found out that my husband has had a relationship with another woman for a year. I was bewilderd, this is not his style. I thought he had lost it completely.

In therapy I found out that I am always so much focused on other people, that I completely forget my own feelings and wishes. And that I "apologized" my husband for what he had done, because 'he's not like that'.

I felt disappointed in him, but I didn't realize that I was also very angry. Only when I started to feel that, I also showed him. Strange, but that helped.

Because I did not make him smaller, but gave him the responsibility for what he had done, I started to feel my anger and stand for my boundaries. And that created respect in my husband for me and eventually even more interest.

We started relationship therapy now. I don't know where it will lead to, but I do feel a lot better already.

Maybe this will help someone. Stand up for yourself, don't put yourself and your feelings down!

I recently found out that my husband is having contact with a colleague via whatsapp. It's not only about work, but clearly sexual and exciting messages.

I never look in his phone, but I started to feel suspicious, because he is often in his study in the evenings. I thought he was working, but when I came in, he was quickly putting his phone aside.

A few days later I decided to check his phone and he deleted everything, but there were some messages from this woman. When I confronted him with that, he said it didn't mean anything because it were only some whatsapp messages, a kind of play. To me it felt more like cheating.

What should I do with this?

In 2012 I met a woman that I thought was very special from the start, there was an immediate click between us.

Normally I do not have that so often. I had been married happily for years and am father of two kids.
This woman was following our courses and very soon we really started to like each other.
We didn't want this, so we decided to stop all contact, she was also happily married and mother of two children.

The chemistry was so strong, that we got back in contact and one day we cheated.
Again we decided to stop all contact, but we couldn't resist so after almost a year we were again in contact.

In the mean time she divorced and I am in relationship therapy with my wife, that knew about all of it from the start. I told her from the beginning that I had feelings for somebody else and she understood. I also honestly told her I cheated.

We talked about divorce but she would like to keep the family together. This creates a lot of frustration, because there are hardly any feelings anymore and we live together without really being together.

Many times I tried to take a distance from the other woman, but mostly that works only for a little while. We are so fond of each other.

I am not the kind of person that immediately goes for divorce, don't want to hurt people, always wish the best for everybody and am always ready to support and am always honest, love my children and feel attached to family and friends.

Never expected this from myself and don't know how to deal with this.

Don't sleep so well, my work suffered immensely from it (I have my own business), don't dare to look at myself in the mirror anymore and inside my head it is one big chaos. Mainly feel like a bad person.

What should I do now, I don't know anymore.

After more then a year being heavily in love with another man I feel the need to write this down and get it off my chest. I am a 35 year old woman, married with two kids. My ex-husband was not very helpful, But my feelings for him are completely gone.

The relationship is not a relationship for me anymore, already since years but I had nothing to fall back on and because my feelings for my colleague there was completely no passion or excitement anymore. Evenmore.. I sometimes felt slightly aversed...

A year ago I fell hopelessly in love with another man. Because of my work I see him regularly. We had for a long time daily contact via whatsapp, with very exciting messages back and forth. Many times we decided to stop this, but every time again our (verbal) contact turns sexual again.

Eventually we felt each other a bit, but otherwise nothing happened. He also immediately expressed that it would not go any further then this. And I was convinced I wanted to continue with this man... I never told him, because he said he was happy in his marriage. I notice he does feel something for me, but he doesn't want to give up his marriage and is maybe not completely open and honest to me.

Recently I lied to my ex husband, because he sensed something was on and I told my ex and family that I never cheated, but I'm still completely in love with him. It's not just an infatuation, he has been in my head for over a year, 24 hours a day... It feels like he is the love of my life... it hurts...

Feel a strong longing to tell him honestly about it, so that he knows what I really feel for him. Although I also think he will tell me he cannot give that love to me. I know it is best to get him out of my head, but I don't manage.

And in the mean time I lied to my own family and I lost what I held dear. My ex husband still wants me back, but don't know what to do now should I be honest and tell my ex and family what has happened or should I persist in saying that nothing happened. Because when I tell the truth I will lose him and his family and friends and those are the only people who believed in me and are there for me.

What should I do, I hope somebody can give me answers, because I really made a mess of it.

My partner confessed to me that she has had an affair. This is now in between us. It is difficult for me to trust her. She has not been honest with me for a long time.

But she says it is over now and that she wants to stay with me and our family. I find it hard to accept what has happened.

My current boyfriend was cheated upon by his first lover. He was 19 when he found out. Now he is 37. I see in him and in our relation that this experience still effects him. It's not that he is jealous or anything. He gets angry very fast when it comes to lying or cheating.

He himself is very loyal and honest. That seems like a good thing. And it is. But sometimes I doubt weather the loyalty he has to his friends and family is maybe unusually big, for his own good. And that loyalty is sometimes standing between us.

Besides that, I notice that he is afraid that our relationship might end. While I don't understand why, because we're doing very well.

I really think it is because of this experience in the past. I wonder if people recognize this.

Had a stomach reduction. Because of it I got more attention from other men. That's what ended the relationship with my current boyfriend. Don't like it. What to do about it?

I was together with my ex-boyfriend for 2,5 years, and all that time he cheated on me. It turned out that when we met, he had already been in a relationship for 4 years. He made me belief that it was his ex-girlfriend that could not let him go.

It sounds so weird. Almost like a soap series. That I did not notice that. And still. I didn't know any better I think because that's how it was from the start. You understand? It's not that he suddenly had a different behavior. He was just always like that.

In the end it all came out when he started to date a third woman. My friends call him a psychopath. And to be honest, that helps. It helps me to see it was him, I don't have to doubt myself.

Still I did not go into any relationship for 5 years after this. I think that was good for me. Only after two psychologists (cognitive and EMDR) that I dared to bind myself again.

It is still in the back of my mind. I know it can happen. That changes my relation. I know; at some point it can go wrong between us.

I have been living together for some years now. My boyfriend is very happy with me and our relationship. I love him very much and see our future together. I think he's fantastic. He is also always there for me.

But we only have sex once a week. In the beginning this was much more. For him this is completely fine, but I long for more.

After talking with him about this, I was read to accept our sexlife the way it was. But the thought of being with another man became more and more interesting. And it became more and more difficult to reject the attention I got from other men.

I am against cheating, but still it has happened. I cheated and had sex with somebody else. The flirting, the tension and the foreplay felt very nice. But the sex itself felt wrong.

Now I am very angry with myself that I did this. How could I have cheated on him...

No I wonder if I should tell him. He told me once that he doesn't want to know when I would cheat. He would be devastated. But I also deserve the consequence for my action.

I hope there are people that recognize themselves in my story. That can tell me how they dealt with it....

For one and a half years I had an affair with a married man. His marriage was not going so well and was about to fail. I was also married myself, am mother of 3 young kids. My husband came across messages from/to my lover. He wants to give our marriage another chance, so that's what I tried.

But after a couple of weeks, the pull was too strong and I missed my lover. My marriage was not bad, but there was also no passion anymore, it just didn't work anymore. I contacted my lover again and that meant of course the end of my marriage...

he was still married, they are trying, trying relationship therapy and stuff, but I was always in between, so that it was impossible for him to get back on track with his wife. So they were also headed for divorce. I was convinced that after 1,5 years of waiting, I would finally have my happy ending. That man is the man of my dreams. We work together, he has a higher position and I look up to him. I don't want another man, I want him.

But, their divorce was cancelled and he decided to stay with his family! He wanted to try again with his wife and try to keep the family together. She knows about me and decided to deal with it and forgive him.

But I cannot let him go! He asked me to stop sending him messages, but it was stronger then me. I kept sending him sweet messages and eventually he couldn't fight it anymore and started sending back. After their family holiday, what was supposed to be their reconciliation time, I was able to seduce him to come and see me again.

And yes, I am sure he loves me, because he came to see me and we had wonderful sex like before. After that I send him emails everyday to show him how much it meant to me. But that mail was seen by his wife. She was furious and threatened to report me as a stalker to our boss!

Now my lover stopped all communication with me, besides some work related messages and I feel desperate. I hope that his wife after his last cheat, will dump him after all! I compare him with every man, I only want him and I only want to kiss him!

I'd rather spend two hours alone with him then have two weeks completely free to do what I want.... I understand him much better then his wife, we are a bit similar.... Tips anybody how to win my soulmate back?

My girlfriend (almost 6 years) recently told me that she cheated on me many times. It hurts immensely, but still we/I want to continue.

But about the cheating we didn't really talk so much, only briefly but nothing clear... (she is also admitted in a psychiatric institution because she things so bad about herself) despite that we talk about many things and say we want to work on our relationship, it seems like she escaping the hard part... saving the relation through sharing.

I don't find words so easy and because of that I am often judged for what I say, at least that's how it feels. So I am ready to fight for this relationship, and I suggested relationship therapy, to me feels like that's being postponed. Saying that she wants to work on the relation, but not doing anything from her side.

Today I made the step to contact a relationship therapist. I feel extremely desperate and don't know what to do now.... I definitely want to, but I don't know how anymore. I cannot stop thoughts and feelings.

What to do?

I cheated after a hectic period of getting children, new job, moving... There was hardly any intimacy between me and my partner anymore. We run a business together. Love each other very much.

Now that it came out, my partner doesn't know if she wants to continue with me and I feel terribly guilty and horrible....

Anybody recognizes this?

Hello,

My partner is much less interested in sex, kissing.. exciting messages.. I need this... the attention...

I am 40, in the light of my life and I notice I like attention, I am decent, but I don't know for how long, try to prevent the dragging routine to happen. But it has to come from two sides, often hear I look good, miss the excitement.

Lust... what should I do???

I cheated. It happened in the heat of the moment. Now I regret it....

Me and my partner found out we were pregnant we’ve been together 4 and half years, he began cheating on me the start of my pregnancy and still going, he says I havnt been there for him and his needs about his depression and a lot of things so he decided to cheat on me and still is I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant and I’m broken and not knowing what to do anymore I love him with my whole heart and I need help

This happened many years ago, but I've only just learnt the full story.
I had a dysfunctional childhood and as I grew into adulthood, realised I needed male attention. I was ok during all of my marriage, 30 years at that time, but then I hit the menopause, felt like I was past my use by date, no longer attractive to the opposite sex, no hope of that career I'd always craved.
But, I had a computer and although I didn't deliberately set out to cheat, it happened. My husband found out. I ended it all, but honestly can't remember if we had a discussion about it. I hope I apologised and told him it was all over. We really should have seen a marriage counsellor, but that didn't happen either. Looking back now, there were red flags after that that suggested he was using a prostitute, but I was too naive and trusting to query my husband. This all happened around 2003/4. I decided to go back to work, which would have given my husband ample opportunity to cheat. I stopped working in 2010 and everything seemed ok between us except I could no longer have sex due to pain issues with the menopause.
My husband has recently been admitted to secure dementia care and going through his bits and pieces I discovered that he was still checking up on me in 2014. I used to have a perverse pleasure in creating fake email accounts. I did this for various forums I was in, all perfectly above board, but he had copied them all down, plus a man's name I had jotted down. In amongst it all was a phone number for a sex worker (obvious from the name). He used to save the money I gave him each week and I could never understand how he was spending it as he didn't smoke, drink or play sport and he would sometimes tell me he was short of money. The only time his savings accrued at all was after he lost his driver's licence at 80. I am 10 years younger than he.
I blame myself for the years of intimacy we have lost, 10 years and for the sequence of events. I am so stressed out to think he was having physical sex with another woman and I now cannot have the conversation I need to have with him. There is no closure. Perhaps worse, is that I have npw discovered if I use a tiny amount of hormone cream, I would be able to be intimate again, but it's all too late, there's no closure and I am so bereft, can't forgive myself for the mistakes I made and what I've lost. He has probably forgotten what happened (I hope) but does tell me he loves me when I visit and I also tell him the same. I love him to pieces, but the memories I now carry are all painful ones and I don't know how to get over this. I am an emotional wreck and my pulse rate is sky high. I've seem my GP but he says it's not high enough to worry about. It's mostly over 100.
Can anybody help me to forgive myself and let this tension and anxiety go? Thank you.

I took out my marriage and hu t issues with cheating we are in counseling and our personal relationship is improviy. I still find myself crabinf the excitement of cheating. Is hard to find the emotional security b in need to be have sex with my husband. After so many hurt words and insults. It's hard to feel safe arpind him. He is working on his temper but isn't perfect. It's e just doesn't seem fair it have to I be perfect on my y cheating problem when he doesn't have to be with his emotional problems.

For 6 months my partner and I lived a part. I thought we were still in a supportive monogamous relationship it's just that in that moment of time we were both committed elsewhere for work and living...I thought that we would both have no issues being faithful.

7 weeks later I receive an email off my partners email address telling me her name and that her and my partner were in love and that they were together and could I please leave them alone to get on with living life.

I quietly put the email away and shut that part of me down and continued on living life as if everything was ok no one suspected a thing because when people would ask about her I would reply she's good and doing well and then say nothing else.

At the end of the 6 months of living a part we ended up in the same city again and it took no time at all for her to reach out to me. We talked and decided that it was a mistake one that she regrets and that she was sorry and would never do it again. The out of it thing is is that I believe her I really believe that she learnt her lesson and that she wouldn't do that to me again however the other women keeps popping up in our lives, and it doesn't seem to matter how many times she is blocked on social media, via email text and phone calls this woman just keeps on reappearing like a bad penny.

I get really upset when this happens and we end up arguing terribly. I just can't help myself I feel like I'm back in the beginning when I received the email. I hate that period of time and would really love to know how to move past the cheating.

Any ideas would be appreciated