Since we have kids, our connection became superficial

That sounds like a very shitty feeling; that you are only useful for the money. It's a pity that talking about it didn't give any results. I think that would make me feel even more lonely.

Still I would try and keep talking about it. Just not to convince her. Often when people feel that somebody tries to convince them, they start to defend themselves and they forget to listen. At least, that's my experience.

After years of experience with my partner. So I think: talk about it, but even more important; listen about it. And after that speak about it. But as soon as you try to convince, stop the conversation and go for a walk around the block. Even if it is only in thoughts.