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What to do?

After more then a year being heavily in love with another man I feel the need to write this down and get it off my chest. I am a 35 year old woman, married with two kids. My ex-husband was not very helpful, But my feelings for him are completely gone.

The relationship is not a relationship for me anymore, already since years but I had nothing to fall back on and because my feelings for my colleague there was completely no passion or excitement anymore. Evenmore.. I sometimes felt slightly aversed...

A year ago I fell hopelessly in love with another man. Because of my work I see him regularly. We had for a long time daily contact via whatsapp, with very exciting messages back and forth. Many times we decided to stop this, but every time again our (verbal) contact turns sexual again.

Eventually we felt each other a bit, but otherwise nothing happened. He also immediately expressed that it would not go any further then this. And I was convinced I wanted to continue with this man... I never told him, because he said he was happy in his marriage. I notice he does feel something for me, but he doesn't want to give up his marriage and is maybe not completely open and honest to me.

Recently I lied to my ex husband, because he sensed something was on and I told my ex and family that I never cheated, but I'm still completely in love with him. It's not just an infatuation, he has been in my head for over a year, 24 hours a day... It feels like he is the love of my life... it hurts...

Feel a strong longing to tell him honestly about it, so that he knows what I really feel for him. Although I also think he will tell me he cannot give that love to me. I know it is best to get him out of my head, but I don't manage.

And in the mean time I lied to my own family and I lost what I held dear. My ex husband still wants me back, but don't know what to do now should I be honest and tell my ex and family what has happened or should I persist in saying that nothing happened. Because when I tell the truth I will lose him and his family and friends and those are the only people who believed in me and are there for me.

What should I do, I hope somebody can give me answers, because I really made a mess of it.


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