-
Enter your relationship with a fresh clear perspective
>To create a great relationship we need to enter it with a fresh clear perspective, and we do this by identifying and clearing any old beliefs and expectations we have about them. If we carry unexamined beliefs into our relationships we end up imposing "shoulds" onto it and on to the other person.>
> >
>For example, he should be like this, or she should be doing that, or the relationship should be like.....>
> >
>So when the reality does not meet our expectations we start to force it - in other words we try and impose our should on to our partner.>
> >
>This is the cause of almost all conflict in relationships.>
> >
>Try this:>
> >
>1. Make a list of all the "shoulds" you hold against your partner, such as how they should communicate, what they should be doing (or not doing), how they should be, and so on.>
> >
>2. Ask yourself what it would be like if you could drop some of these shoulds.>
> >
>3. Be aware of the objections that arise, such as "I would never get my needs met." or "I'd become a doormat," or "It would be unbearable.">
> >
>4. Recognise that these objections are driven by fear, and in fact the opposite will start to happen because you will change the energy you are projecting into the relationship.>
> >
>5. Choose one of those shoulds, recognise all the ways you project it, and then decide to let go of it.>
> >
>6. Commit to this for a week and observe what happens. You may be surprised.>
> >
>This is a challenging exercise because we believe our shoulds are what will make us happy. In actual fact they do the opposite because each person has their shoulds and are busy trying to impose them on the other, and this causes the conflict and tension.>
> >
>The more you are trying to make them be as they "should" be, the less are you present and truly engaged with them in this moment.>
> >
>Time to try something different>
> >
>Enjoy, and blessings>
Forum Good relationship - Tips
Join Therapycouples.net
Are you a counsellor or therapist and do you offer relationship counselling or couples therapy in New Zealand?