• Relationship Counsellors in New Zealand
  • The push and pull cycleis often about safety, not love

    In many relationships one partner moves closer while the other steps back. This can look like fear of commitment on one side and fear of abandonment on the other, but underneath it is usually a search for emotional safety.

    The more one person pushes for reassurance, the more the other may feel pressured and withdraw. Breaking this cycle starts with recognising that both reactions make sense — they are simply different ways of managing uncertainty.

    Learning to tolerate space without panic, and closeness without control, allows couples to move toward a more balanced and adult relationship dynamic.
    Philip ✓

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