Lovesick - peer support forum
Are you lovesick?
For a lot of people it's helpful to write down and share their story. This open forum is a great place for:
- Getting things off your chest.
- Reading the stories of peers.
- Connecting with peers and responding to stories.
Read the stories of other people who are/were lovesick and share your story.
I am in my 30's and lived already a bit. Also when it comes to relating. I gained and lost already many long and short relationships. It strikes me that since my late 20's, the lovesick is getting heavier. It lasts longer, is more intense and mostly ends only when I find a new love again. Is that normal? Does somebody recognizes this?
Maybe it gets harder because the older you get the more you hope that your new lover is "the one".
It also looks like your happiness is very much dependent on being in a relationship. If you would manage to feel happy also without a relationship, the feeling love sick could maybe also be less long ans strong.
Hey everybody, (male, 31)
I have had a relationship of 13 years, we had ups and downs as in every relationship I think. Only this year I got depressed and my ex too, so that was not a good combination. I took the step to break up, because we were often in a fight and we didn't feel the love anymore.
Just after we broke up, she wanted to continue and I thought it would be better for us to move on without each other.
But after only 2 months, she already started another relationship and I miss her and want her back. I do not tell her this. Feel like I live in hell, because we actually had a beautiful relationship before this time, build up something beautiful together. I realize I took the decision to fast to break up. But the worst is that she treats me like air, she doesn't want to have to do anything with me.
We loved each other for 13 years and after 2 months she doesn't feel anything for me anymore. I don't understand that.
Anyway. I try to survive everyday. Can somebody give me some motivation, share what you think about it?
That must suck big time for you.
But, if she has another relationship right now and doesn't want to have to do anything with you, it is best to respect that I think.
Although that may be hard right now, you can also try to focus on the future again. You could also meet other women again.
An easy way to do that is speeddating. Than you meet in a short period of time different women and that put things in a different perspective.
Or focus your attention on other things you like. If you start to do things you like, you will start to feel better.
Two months ago I met a guy. Before we met, we send each other whats app messages, we had a great click. After about a week we had our first date; we had some dinner and wine. We had a great time together. He tried to make many moves, but I didn't go into them.
Afterwards I just went to my home and he went to his home. On the way home he called me: this was great, I'd like to cook for you in two days. He also said I could spend the night if I wanted (was a one hour drive to his place). I wanted to have dinner with him, but thanked him for the sleep over. This felt too intimate for me on a second date.
The day arrived where he would cook for me. So he did. It was really great and from the moment I saw him it felt good... but that second night he seduced me and (after a long time cuddling and everything) we ended up in his bed. It felt great, but still I felt the need to go home.... he didn't. He really wanted me to stay for the night. Say I'm stupid, but I did and it felt really good. The next morning I left. From then on it all went superfast. Mind you: on his initiative.
The next weekend he would come to my place on Friday and maybe spend the night. This felt good and eventually he stayed (on his initiative) the whole weekend. He left monday afternoon. 2 days later he wanted to cook for me again. I went to his place... we had a great time again and he even came with youth stories and photo albums and everything. He wasn't even holding back in making plans for the summer together: he just likes me. We went to tennis together, where he goes for years already.... he introduced me to his neighbor and wanted to be 'exclusive' from day 1. He wanted many things... go out with me. To be there on a pokernight he was organizing, say hi at his job... etc.
Now that I write this down... it really don't understand it, but after 1 month it was suddenly all over and he said he didn't feel in love. It was like a slap in my face and for him it was also emotional. He wanted me to stay in his life... but as 'good friends'. This is impossible for me, I have feelings for him. A lot of tears later we are still in contact. He told me many times that for him it was very intense too, that he had a great time with me, that he is attracted to me etc. The only thing that's missing... are the butterflies. We didn't see each other for two weeks now, my sadness stays and he says he misses me too and thinks a lot about me. He met a girl he will have a date with tomorrow.
We were supposed to have a drink together on friday 'as friends'... so I tolf him it hurts me that he has a date... but that he should do what feels good for him, because I want him to be happy. An hour after I said this, he text me that he would like to see me. That it also hurt him to have this date,,, and he cancelled it. We also called the whole night and it felt good. He still keeps some distance, but says he really wants to see me. Yesterday after the long phonecall he said that he was sure he wouldn't have been able to keep his hands off me if I would have been with him and that he had some butterflies with that intimate sharing...
This morning I woke up with a soar throat and he immediately offers to take care of me and bring some icecream. As 'friends'/ Also not unimportant is that he, during these two weeks we didn't meet... shared many times that I am always welcome to drop by whenever I want. Also that he is not in love, but that that doesn't mean that I cannot drop by. Because he says I am 'fucking perfect'.....
I don't understand it at all. Now we agreed to meet next week to have a drink on neutral ground (not at somebody's place, because he doesn't want to feel tempted to have sex). He is very open to this and is already talking about meeting like this more often and maybe even sleep together (without sex).
I also have the feeling that he wants to feel the fairytale butterflies.... that I think only exist when you are 16. When you meet your very first love... everything is perfect (he agrees). He says that when he looks at the future he sees us as good friends OR partners. I have the feeling right now that I shouldn't let him go... he feels so safe.. so familiar and good for me because I don't mind that my belly isn't turning around when I see him. For me it's fine that it is not the love that I felt when I was 12... not being able to eat....
Maybe for an outsider it is more clear what is happening. Because I don't understand it at all and would like to know your opinion. Should I run away because he is playing me... or is this a man with fear of commitment and panics. Or do you think something else?
Actually, the questions is, what do you want to do with it?
If you manage to enjoy the connection without any expectations about the future, you might want to do that.
If you don't, and you keep feeling sadness, pain and confusion, then it might be better for you to stop the contact completely for a while, so that you can get some distance to the situation. Later (once you feel free again) you can always see if there is another kind of (friendly) connection possible between you two, if you still want that.
The main thing is that you start to discover and to feel what you want in this situation, looking at the facts as they are now.
Last Monday my boyfriend broke up with me. I am having a hard time dealing with this, came as a surprise to me.
I did notice that he made less time for me and didn't say sweet things anymore like I miss you or happy to see you as I did to him. He told me that he didn't have any feelings for me anymore since 4 months already, but stayed with me because he saw that I stilled cared for him.
Since then we didn't speak anymore and I find that hard, feel like a part of my life is missing.
I feel so scared that I will never talk to him again or see him again and that it's for him all fine and that he will not miss me the way I miss him, would he really have stayed with me all these months if he didn't feel anything for me?
Does anybody have experience with this and can share with me what could ease my pain a little and could take away the fear that I will never see or speak to him again?
I'm sorry to read that you have such a hard time with it.
It makes sense that it still feels intense for you, because it is just a week ago and you didn't see it coming.
Your ex-boyfriend has had the time already for 4 months -without you knowing it - to slowly say goodbye to you and the relationship with you.
So it is very well possible that for him it is fine like this while for you it still feels very different.
Dealing with the pain takes time. How much time is different for everybody.
I also experienced this once that my partner broke up with me and it came as a shock to me, but my partner had been processing the change already during the last part of the relationship and had made peace with it already.
For me it was always good to digest the love sick by not having contact anymore. So I think that this would also be very good for you.
If you would keep talking with each other, you will be every time touched. Now you can really take a distance, however painful that might be.
I also experienced it from the other side, that I stayed in a relationship because I didn't want to hurt my partner.
Something like that often has a processing time. The feeling you have for somebody can slowly grow less and disappear.
And that's also what will happen for you. Although you might not be able to imagine that right now, you will also notice that your feelings will grow less, when you take care that you don't have contact anymore.
And that doesn't mean just reallife contact, but also don't check his facebook page to see what he's up to.
So distract your attention from him to yourself. Focus on yourself.
Try to find a balance to feel the pain on one side, to mourn, and on the other side also to do enjoyable things.
I wish you a lot of warmth.
Thank you for your reply, this is definitely a support and I will do enjoyable things and try to forget him, I'm sorry to hear that you went through the same situation. I also wish you warmth and happiness!
It is already years ago. She was my second girlfriend. I was completely in love with her. So much, that I overwhelmed her with it and the relationship got out of balance. It was a short and intense relation.
She ended it. I was completely lovesick, but I could win her back one more time. But in the end it was not enough.
Then I had a lot of pain. Although I hardly ever cry, then I cried. That made me feel soft inside and that helped. It was not a pleasant time. I felt miserable and couldn't think of anything else. I went to work, but inside there was a continues pain in the body.
I don't remember now how long it lasted. At least weeks, maybe even months.
It helped me a lot to write my feelings down on paper and write a song about it with my guitar.
That's how the pain faded away and at a certain point was over.
I am married since 34 years and am together with my husband for 39 years now. With ups and downs like everybody. In general we have a good marriage. In July 2016 my husband met his twinsoul and was at first sight completely in love with another woman.
To keep the story short, I found peace with that and we had a good time with the three of us. (Platonic) My husband is polyamorous. In november 2016 I met the man where I was in love with as a 6 year old girl.
I fell immediately in love again. We are in a relationship since some months now. We love each other. But he is married so he is cheating. My husband and I have, as they call it, an open relationship. So from my side there's no problem.
You could say, lucky woman, two men who love you, what more do you want. But I am not happy anymore. I feel a lot of sadness and feel often stressed. Because I cannot see my lover regularly because of his work and home situation and I feel sad about that.
I would like to go on with him and divorce from my husband. He doesn't want to divorce from his wife because of the trouble that goes along with a divorce. I get that.
I would like to deal with this situation and enjoy it as much as possible. But how? Are there people here who can help me to find peace in this so that I can enjoy every day in stead of feeling sad and confused.
I think there are different things happening simultaneously.
1) your boyfriend is cheating on his wife
In an open (polyamorous) relationship it is often important that there is openness and honesty among the different parties.
From that open attitude every party is treated with respect and everybody can express open and honest what his or her needs and choices are.
You boyfriend, with whom you would like to continue, is married, doesn't want to divorce and is cheating with you. So there is not much openness and honesty to all the parties.
You can look into it for yourself what you want to do with that:
> would you like to continue like this, while your boyfriend doesn't choose for you?
> Would you like to have a boyfriend who is married and cheats?
> What does it say about him, that he is somebody who does that, cheating on his wife?
> And what does it say about you, that you fall for a man like that?
2) Your relationship with your husband
You write that you had a good time with your husband and his other lover. And that in general you have a good marriage.
Also here you can do some self observation.
> What changed for you? Is it your feeling in love with somebody else, or are there other things having an influence as well?
> Do you want to divorce from your husband? Or do you only want that when this means you can continue with somebody else?
3) Your relationship with yourself
Also here some self observation questions:
> How happy are you with yourself?
> Do you need a man to feel happy?
> Are you also able to enjoy feeling in love without acting on it?
Heyall I am 30 years old and a few years ago I was hurt so much that I didn't have any relationship since then or was with somebody.
This all started when I fell in love with a girl, the only thing I had from her was her phonenumber. I send her a lot of text messages with my love declaration, but I didn't get any response.
This made me feel so insecure that it triggered a lot, I started to neglect myself, also with drugs because I felt so shitty because of this. On some day I suddenly got a call from somebody in my family.
She had met her at work and she made a whole scene there, with staff around with the words that I was stalking her and that she was gonna move in with somebody.
How can you ignore somebody who is mad about you while you were already busy with something new? This happened about 5 years ago, I never got the confidence again to start something with somebody.
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