Jealousy in relationship - peer support forum

I am in a relationship since some years now, but I am awfully jealous.

I cannot stand it when my boyfriend is looking at other woman. Everywhere we go, I look around with jealousy to see if there are no beautiful women around.

I get jealous or angry when he looks at a beautiful woman or when he looks on television at a pretty woman or in a magazine....

It drives me crazy. I want that it stops, I don't want to be afraid that there are women around where he could look at. I make him and myself unhappy with my behavior and I want to do something about it, but I don't know how.

I think that any woman is more beautiful, sweeter, better, brighter, smarter, slimmer and better then me....

Hello,

I am walking around with a problem since years already. I am jealous. In my previous relationships, my boyfriends were supportive. They were also jealous themselves, that made it easier.

Now I met somebody with whom I can see myself in the future. But I am scared that I will ruin it because of the jealousy and I want to prevent that! I am always afraid that he will find somebody else that is more beautiful/nicer/prettier then me.

The end of my last relationship hurt me a lot and I don't want a broken heart again. That makes me feel even more fearful and jealous.

He also has female friends where he feels close with. That's very hard for me to take.

How to deal with this? How do other people deal with this?

I am very scared. Everywhere we go together. I cannot relax. My boyfriend loves high heels and women's clothes. He also wants me to wear high heels every now and then. I don't like to wear them.
When we are on the marketplace, he is very interested in the high heels that are there. I feel forced to wear them.

When he sees a woman in a legging, I also see something happening in them. He has to see everything... it makes me feel so insecure... He also likes very sexy clothes. While that doesn't feel like me. They are a bit slutty. I feel like a fall short.

It's a bit of a chaotic story. It's also a little bit too much for me....

When does jealousy become a problem? I think that jealousy is evolutionary explainable and it can be good to feel something of defense for your loved one. I start to worry when people do not feel jealousy. When it becomes uncomfortable and limiting, then it becomes something negative.

My advice would be to make jealousy something to talk about, and accept that a little bit is fine. You will have to learn how to deal with that. Too much jealousy can be a signal that your partner feels unworthy. So don't reject him or her, but try to make clear that they are definitely worth it for you.

Not so long ago I went to a relationship therapist and that helped me so much that I would like to share it here.

I am 21 year old guy and my jealousy drove my girlfriend crazy. She was not able to do anything with her girlfriends without me wanting to know exactly where is was, with whom, for how long and whom she met.

She was about to end the relationship if I would go talk to somebody about it. That was the reason I went to the relationship therapist.

In just one sitting, so much became clear, so many things fell into place. So now I want to tell everybody: don't wait, if you don't manage alone, seek help and find out why you're jealous.

In my case it had to do with something I had experienced before, but mainly with the conclusions I had drawn from that, based on that incident. Made perfect sense back then, but didn't help me anymore.

I feel so relieved that I understand now why I did what I did. And my girlfriend too. She understands better and when I fall back into my old pattern of interrogation, she can just remind me. In stead of interrogating, I can ask her questions out of interest now. That feels very different, she says!

My girlfriend can be quite jealous. I have a few nice female friends and when I meet them, there are immediately all kinds of stories in her head. In those stories I like them better then her and leave her. Even though we are together for over two years now, she can still have jealousy attacks.

She can also get jealous when I feel attracted to other women or when she things I feel attracted to other women. Of course there is insecurity underneath. Luckily she realizes this and tries to let go of the stories in her head. She would also like to be more relaxed about it, but so far she doesn't manage.

I try to leave it with her as much as possible and don't limit myself (too much). That doesn't always work. When I feel the jealousy (and the claim that goes along with it) I can feel cramped and stressy and then, sometimes, I adapt my behavior, which makes me feel less free.

I love my girlfriend very much. We are going together for some years now, but I cannot stand the thought that she might talk to another man and like him.

I notice then when I think about that, I feel like I am stabbed in the heart and I start to panic. Then I want to call her and ask her what she's doing and if she still loves me.

How can I deal with this better?