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Midlife crisis - peer support forum


 

Midlife crisis

Do you or your partner suffer from a midlife crisis?

 

For a lot of people it's helpful to write down and share their story. This open forum is a great place for:

 

  • Getting things off your chest.
  • Reading the stories of peers.
  • Connecting with peers and responding to stories.

 

Read the stories of other people with (a partner with) a midlife crisis and share your story.

 


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Story 1 - My wife has a midlife-crisis

My wife and I are together since 10 years already. Until a few years ago we had a good relationship, very loving, warm and respectful. We were often still behaving like teenagers in love.

She also send out very different signals to me about me and our relationship. And she was hanging around with a friend a lot. First she said that she only felt friendship with him.

Then I checked her mobile and I found messages from them where they declare their love for each other. When I confronted her with this, she said she wanted to be with him.

Her and our surrounding didn't understand at all and couldn't believe it. To them we were happy with each other.

Then came a period where she was sometimes sorry, full of regret, loving to me and wanted to stay with me, and sometimes full of doubt, cold towards me, not seeing a future for us together. We also talked and cried a lot together.

It went up and down like this for a while. One moment completely in love and loving to me, and the next moment she said she didn't feel anything for me.

Now, she lives on her own, denies she has a midlife crisis and the contact with her surroundings is almost all gone. Her network, family, friends don't recognize her anymore. She changed from a loving woman into a self destructive woman.


Anonymous

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Story 2 - My husband has a midlife crisis

Mu husband and I are together since 30 years. I dare to say we had a fantastic marriage. They saw us as the perfect couple and that's how we saw it too. We were so happy together and it was our dream to grow old together.

Since 7 weeks he doesn't want to talk with me anymore. He met somebody else, didn't have any feelings for me anymore since long time. He wanted to get to know her better and divorce me. Just like that! I never saw that coming. Looking back he was a bit distant the last months. His thoughts were with that other woman.

It's indescribable how much this hurts. I read a lot about the mlc, to understand it a little. He had a difficult childhood and a few years ago he lost his job. Now I realize that that brought him down.

Extreme sports, strange diet, drink too much, use drugs and now he fell in love with somebody else. All flight behavior. The relationship with his soulmate doesn't have much chance of success. She is also in a divorce. He will have to find out about this himself, I cannot do anything.

After he dropped the bomb he hoped I would be angry and throw him out. But I stayed calm, no idea how I did that with all those heavy emotions. We still have regular contact, but he is very clear.

He wants to get to know her better and wants to stay friends with me. It can be years before he falls off his pink cloud and realizes what he's doing. How this can happen? I have no clue, time will tell.


Jet

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Story 3 - My husband doesn't like life anymore

My husband, 55 years old, is expressing often lately that he doesn't like life anymore the way it is now. We have two kids that have their own lives now, we both work and we go on holiday often, have a good time, I don't get it.

He says it is a gut feeling that there's more to life then this and feels like right now we are waiting to die. I am afraid he will do something strange, although I don't know what. Anybody recognizes this?


Marijke

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Dear Marijke,

I can imagine you don't get it. It sounds like you do enjoyable things like travelling etc. And still your husband is talking about "more to life than this".

It makes me curious, do you know what he means by "more"? More holiday? More fun stuff? Or different than holiday? Different from the things you do now?

Maybe you can talk about that with him.

Warm greetings


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