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Insecure in relationship - peer support forum


 

Insecure in relationships

Do you suffer from feelings of insecurity in your relationship?

 

For a lot of people it's helpful to write down and share their story. This open forum is a great place for:

 

  • Getting things off your chest.
  • Reading the stories of peers.
  • Connecting with peers and responding to stories.

 

Read the stories of other people who feel insecure in their relationship and share your story.

 


+ Share my story




Story 1 - I feel insecure in my relationship

I feel insecure in my relationship. Sometimes I fear my partner will leave me, even though there is no reason to. We are together for many years now.

Still I feel insecure and I wonder if I'm still nice and attractive enough.


Anonymous

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For you Anonymous: I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully you will fall in love with yourself first. I wish that for you.


Best of luck

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Story 2 - Since we have kids, our connection became superficial

I am a 39 year old man and I thought I had a happy relationship with my girlfriend. But since we have kids, our connection became superficial.

Our kids are 1 and 3 years old and it seems like she is in love with the kids now and not with me anymore, I don't count anymore in our household, except to earn money and help in the household.

When I talk about it with here she says it's normal and part of having children. That they come before the relationship. I don't agree with her on that, but how can I convince her?


Wouter

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That sounds like a very shitty feeling; that you are only useful for the money. It's a pity that talking about it didn't give any results. I think that would make me feel even more lonely.

Still I would try and keep talking about it. Just not to convince her. Often when people feel that somebody tries to convince them, they start to defend themselves and they forget to listen. At least, that's my experience.

After years of experience with my partner. So I think: talk about it, but even more important; listen about it. And after that speak about it. But as soon as you try to convince, stop the conversation and go for a walk around the block. Even if it is only in thoughts.


M.V.

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Story 3 - I'd like to share my story

Good afternoon
I feel the need to share my story and maybe share some tips and experiences.

I live together with my boyfriend since 4,5 years.
I'd say we are happy together.
We're living the white picked fence dream.
But our sexlife... well.

To me it feels like we are miles apart from each other there. Of course we try to talk about that now and then and look for a solution. But we don't get any further. To my feeling it is for him something physical. Just sex. Go down and we're done.

For me it is much more than that. And the more often we go astray the more insecure I get. And I start to lose the interest to have sex at all.

The spiral we are stuck in now is that he wants to. Starts rubbing against me or waves his penis in my face. Very romantic of course. And if I respond to that even a little bit he doesn't hesitate and just goes for it. Pants down and stick it in.

Like this I do not enjoy it at all. it hurts when I am not ready for it yet. By the time I start to get in the mood he is already done and are thanked with a "think you need to visit the toilet now honey!"

This has the result that I start to keep him a distance with any affectionate gesture he makes. Because I cannot hug him without him expecting to get sex.

I tried to explain this. That I would like to just hug etc. And then see from there if sex will happen or not. But he doesn't seem to understand at all. Or he feels offended.

I also asked for more foreplay. And then he does that one or two times. But in no time he's back to just jumping on me. I also don't dare to express anymore during the sex what I like and don't like. Because he takes everything as critics (also in normal life). And then he feels offended and it's over.

I hate that this happens now. I used to enjoy it so much to make love with him, hug and experiment. And now it has become just a 'thing'.

By now I am completely annoyed about everything. And that's also no fun for him of course.

He is making lame sex jokes all day long. And that makes me just damn cranky because it's continuously rubbing me in the face that our sexlife sucks at the moment.

So... I'm done typing for now.
Thanks ^^


Dragonlady

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Hello Dragonlady

What a pity that sex has become such a loaded subject between the two of you.

I can imagine you long for how it used to be when you could enjoy to cuddle and make love.

I hope that at some point you manage to talk about it in an open and relaxed way, because it sounds like you are both longing for a change.

Maybe it is easier to talk about it on a 'neutral' moment. So... not if he 'wants to' or when you are annoyed, but take a moment when you both feel relaxed.

If that doesn't work out, I would take a look at a relationship therapist. Because to continue like this doesn't sound nice, not for you and not for him.

I hope you manage to talk about this in and open and relaxed way, so that something can change.

Feel free to post an update on how it continued. I am curious.


E.
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I have the exact same problem. I have been with my husband for around. 27 years now, and pretty much most of that time he has been like that.

 

I know so well the groping etc and just wanting sex all the time, and turning almost every conversation to sex jokes. It’s frustrating and hurtful.

 

He is also very flirty and sometimes gets gropy with other women when he’s drunk. I worry that he has been cheating.

 

I am at the point that I am done and have given him an ultimatum that he gets help for his sex addiction or I won’t continue the rest of my life getting hurt over and over.

 

He has agreed to see a councillor or somebody which is good. Apart from this major problem, he is a wonderful man and I have no doubt he absolutely loves me.


T.

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