Insecure in relationship - peer support forum

Good afternoon
I feel the need to share my story and maybe share some tips and experiences.

I live together with my boyfriend since 4,5 years.
I'd say we are happy together.
We're living the white picked fence dream.
But our sexlife... well.

To me it feels like we are miles apart from each other there. Of course we try to talk about that now and then and look for a solution. But we don't get any further. To my feeling it is for him something physical. Just sex. Go down and we're done.

For me it is much more than that. And the more often we go astray the more insecure I get. And I start to lose the interest to have sex at all.

The spiral we are stuck in now is that he wants to. Starts rubbing against me or waves his penis in my face. Very romantic of course. And if I respond to that even a little bit he doesn't hesitate and just goes for it. Pants down and stick it in.

Like this I do not enjoy it at all. it hurts when I am not ready for it yet. By the time I start to get in the mood he is already done and are thanked with a "think you need to visit the toilet now honey!"

This has the result that I start to keep him a distance with any affectionate gesture he makes. Because I cannot hug him without him expecting to get sex.

I tried to explain this. That I would like to just hug etc. And then see from there if sex will happen or not. But he doesn't seem to understand at all. Or he feels offended.

I also asked for more foreplay. And then he does that one or two times. But in no time he's back to just jumping on me. I also don't dare to express anymore during the sex what I like and don't like. Because he takes everything as critics (also in normal life). And then he feels offended and it's over.

I hate that this happens now. I used to enjoy it so much to make love with him, hug and experiment. And now it has become just a 'thing'.

By now I am completely annoyed about everything. And that's also no fun for him of course.

He is making lame sex jokes all day long. And that makes me just damn cranky because it's continuously rubbing me in the face that our sexlife sucks at the moment.

So... I'm done typing for now.
Thanks ^^

I am a 39 year old man and I thought I had a happy relationship with my girlfriend. But since we have kids, our connection became superficial.

Our kids are 1 and 3 years old and it seems like she is in love with the kids now and not with me anymore, I don't count anymore in our household, except to earn money and help in the household.

When I talk about it with here she says it's normal and part of having children. That they come before the relationship. I don't agree with her on that, but how can I convince her?

I feel insecure in my relationship. Sometimes I fear my partner will leave me, even though there is no reason to. We are together for many years now.

Still I feel insecure and I wonder if I'm still nice and attractive enough.